I’ve been scarce lately so I thought I’d pop in and do some show and tell… well, mostly tell about where I am and what’s been going on since I last posted.
First and foremost, 2012 was the cesspit’s cesspit of horror, despair, and general nastiness. I remember making such big, glittery plans for the New Year New You group and watching them fall through was… actually, it wasn’t exactly hard or even disheartening because I came to accept that those things weren’t what Elada and the others I give worship to were interested in receiving. Elada was more interested in freeing me from 35 years of false reality as the child of a narcissistic mother and yanking me away from her abuse. I admit, I went screaming for a while and it has been hard going down the crooked and nettle-strewn path and sometimes I envy people who haven’t been asked to give up their (admittedly-dysfunctional) realities or who didn’t have that burden to begin with but- and this is going to sound stupid (I don’t really care)- I’m deeply thankful it happened.
Then, in September, my Morrolan cat was diagnosed with Lymphoma and had to have emergency surgery. Many people asked me why I didn’t euthanize him right then because he was “just a cat”. And to those people who aren’t in my life any more because I am tired of that sort of bullshit- He wanted to live. It’s that simple. He wanted to live, we could afford to give him his wish, and we did it. He went through 3 rounds of chemotherapy and daily steroids and handled it very well and even gained a pound back after losing so much. But in the beginning of December, after using every day to say goodbye to us, he was failing and we had to give him his release, which we did. And we sang to him as he crossed over.
Stuff has been changing in the spiritual front for me in that I have met more of the Fomorian pantheon, which I might articulate later when I’m done crying. I had hoped to be deep and factual today but bugger, shit’s been difficult here for quite some time. I meant this to be longer but I don’t have the fortitude to keep nattering on.
Anyway- I’m here, stuff’s going on. And I just wanted to say sometimes working on yourself is a service to your deities. Shit, I reckon sometimes just getting out of bed and carrying on can be.